I am so happy today that I got to surround myself with beautiful people. Hijab or no Hijab, people are still beautiful on the inside or out. I went out with Athira, Saf and Mada today. Two of which embraced the hijab not long ago. I even bumped into Kak Shasha who too donned the hijab not long before I did...hehehe...so pretty!
Saf baby I know you want to see the change in you and I believe you have it in you! No worries ok! You are beautiful on the inside and out believe me. I shall share this story especially for you on my journey of change and the decision to wear my hijab ok love!
It all started off by people jeering me for not having a stable job right after graduation, the fact that I pretty much hate what I was facing and a scene of a group of friends after a performance that just screams SIN! My mum was the ultimately the person who advice me everyday saying "How can you enjoy a smooth journey in life If you never appreciate HIM?" I then took that in and start to reflect. What she has been saying is true. I skipped my prayers and I only come to HIM whenever I have problems. Which is totally wrong! I then started to pray five times a day and keep asking for forgiveness for I have been ignoring him for so long. Slowly and surely it became more clear. I quit the job that was giving me so many heartache. I interviewed for a job and the first interview I went to is the job that I have now. I was so grateful! Since then I know I am now on the right path in my life. I did not ignore HIM since then. Alhamdulillah...
" The first step of change is realization. If you realize something or somewhere is not right in your life you tend to want to change that. "
My sudden decision to donned hijab to me is not sudden. It took me so long to confirm it but when I was younger I prayed that if possible I want to put on the hijab when I'm 21. Which I did. Alhamdulillah...so here is my story on my first time wearing the hijab which I know I didn't really share...hahaha...
Mada was the final person who really put my confuse state of whether to wear the hijab a confirmation. It was the whole of ramadhan and I prayed and prayed to have that courage to wear it but I still wasn't sure. Then I saw some of the girls I knew started to wear the hijab I was so happy to see their change. In my heart I knew I have change but I just wasn't sure about the hijab. All it takes was only a cab ride home with Mada and a whole day of self reflection to make my final decision.
The first day was very cool! My paternal uncle had an open house since It was still Hari Raya and I told my brother I want to put it on. My brother said yes you should! So I ran to my mum jokingly and shyly said "Can I wear the hijab today?" My mum smiled and said "Wear lah!" The thing is I suddenly don't know where to begin. I just wore the baju kurung I'm planning to wear that day and asked my mum, " Do your have anything to match this colour?" She was sooo happy I can see it in her eyes till she ransack her scarf cabinet to get me a few to choose. So I did and wore it. Hoohoo...I am so lucky that I went to my uncle's house first cause his family is equally religious as mine and my aunt came to me and say, "Alhamdulillah, permanent eh?" I was like, "Insya'allah!" and she gave me a warm smile! Hehehe...but sadly on that day mum got a call from my aunt saying that Maternal grandmum is sick so we head to her house. We went there and my aunt too was soo happy to see me in hijab and she praised. I was loving the praise until my mum younger sis, yes my other aunt came and she said "Whats with the hijab, change of style ah?" I was like....pfft! I was just beginning to feel the love of me wearing hijab when this aunt of mine who also don the hijab dampened my spirit. I was so close to not wanting to wear it at all because of her remark. I told my mum regarding the remark my aunt gave and she said not to worry and ask me to ignore her remarks.
The next day was another visiting day this time with the gang from my mum side. All of my mum siblings and family were coming to my house in the morning. I was more pressured. Its like oh god I have to face a lot people I love today. How? Everyone came and I got ready. Then I went to my mum's room to wear the hijab. My heart was beating sooo fast! Hearing the voices of the children running around and the laughter that the surrounds the house was getting to me. I wore the hijab. Mum went out of her room. I faced the mirror and told myself, "Filzah this will be you start of a new life and you can do this!"
I then went out and my aunts was singing praises, my cousins looked puzzles and my mum looks like she got tears in her eyes. At the very same time my heart was pounding like mad! I don't know why my first day seems less nervous. Hahaha...Went visiting and all. Until we reach one of my mum's cousins house. His son, my cousin is a photographer who I turn to for my photography woes looked at me weirdly I was soo embarassed! Then my aunt ask me, "Why he look at you like that?" I just said I don't know. Hahaha... I received weird looks, approving looks and confused looks that day. I was happy. Then I was thinking, great family is ok. How am I going to work and face people at work now...Hahaha...
It turns out that my third day was quite ok. Everyone gave a puzzled look, asked so many questions, answered them and they give one last weird look then they ignore me. Hahaha...I was like ok that was easy. So it was till then everything was smooth. Alhamdulillah.
The funny thing was I didn't post my hijab photo on FB till only after 1-2 weeks I think. Until then I met people I know on the streets and I start to wave frantically at them forgetting that I look different now. They gave me a double take before waving back...hahaha... Some people even thought I wore the hijab just because it was the Hari Raya season but in actual fact I am really putting it on for good Insya'allah.
After a few days, I realize I don't have enough hijab that I keep running to my mum for more. Then she said in her proudest tone, " We need to shop for more scarfs!" Then we laugh! I never really ask how she feels when I put it on though but she looks happy.
So yeah...that's my story on my change and the first few days of donning the hijab...hehehe...
I am so glad now that more of my lady friends are donning it too! Alhamdulillah to Athira and Naqiah! Thank you to Mada and Kak Shasha for the inspiration to start wearing it too! I just hope more of my lady friends will start too insya'allah...
If the will to wear it is not there yet, its ok. A hijab is just a piece of clothing that does not divide the fact how much of a muslimah she is. A person may not wear it but they still know the difference between right and wrong and the importance of completing the 5 prayers in a day.
I do know that I am not so good yet but I know the basics and I am still learning through my days for it. I will share as much of a thing I learn daily through facebook and twitter hoping it does not seem like I'm preaching. I am just sharing what I learn on my day to day basis. Insya'allah...
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