Mask of Love... U_U

Sometimes people don't really understand hw u truly feel deep deep down inside. Everyone wears a mask so thick just to protect themselves.

I wear a mask not to get my heart hurt so bad. Putting yourself out there is sure hard. I think I'm not strong enough to handle that kind of hurt. I've been told countless of times by my mum to never truly put my feelings out there and it's now rock hard in my head. I have to admit I've like so many guys but truly there was only one. I don't want to move even a step near him cause I'm afraid i'll lose him forever. Guess what I did, I push him out of my life. I can't bear a seperation so hard nor I could take any "NO" answer from him.

I must be crazy to do such thing cause only now it sucks to know my heart hurts more seeing him. Apparently avoiding him is kind of impossible. I think its been for more than 4 yrs now. Years pass, I changed but the feelings just can't seem to go away. I so want to forget but it just doesn't disappear...

When I see him I can practically feel my heart jumped out. Whenever a person says at 11.11pm someone is thinking of u, his face just appears right on my mind. That's how strong the feeling is. Its suffocating me but I refuse to confess due to my fear. Oh god, how am I going to face this? Pushing this away further will just cause me more heartache. This is something i've been feeling deep deep inside me. Its the main cause of my moodiness thus far. I've been giving so many ppl other reasons but I know this is the one.

Sorry guys, talking about this itself have brought me to tears. I don't know how to face this. I am not good at this at all. Today is going to be hard. Tomorrow will be harder.

Ya allah, terang kan lah hatiku. Tunjuk kan lah ku ke jalan yg benar. Kuat kan lah semangat ku. Tenangkan lah fikiran ku. Amin...